Published: 10/10/2009 00:00 -
Updated: 29/01/2010 13:11
A FEW weeks ago the head gasket blew on my car. "That's a convenient turn of events", I thought as I sat at the roadside wondering how I was going to pay the repair bill.
I have never professed to possessing a wide knowledge of what makes cars tick, and I know even less about what makes them go bang and woosh, but I do know that head gasket failure is expensive. Several hundred pounds expensive.
I won't bore you with a barrage of science I know nothing about but my trusty mechanic has effectively had to take my whole engine to pieces, send part of it off to a specialist to be "skimmed" (don't ask because I don't know either) and then put it all back together again.
The whole process has taken the best part of a month and going that long without a car leads you to think long and hard about the amount we rely on personal transport.
Because Lizzy's car is in York five days a week, I've had to hire a car. Which is expensive and unpleasant. Forget the old saying about there being no faster car than a hire car - a 1.2 litre Vauxhall Corsa is so dull it makes me want shut one hand in the door before I set off - just to liven-up the journey.
Compared to my old gas-guzzler though the little German grotbox is surprisingly economical. By the time I have to re-fuel it I'm worried I'll be standing at the forecourt, staring helplessly at the pump, having completely forgotten what to do.
But this got me thinking about all the parping and tooting people are indulging in about our un-sustainable use of fossil fuels at the moment.
If we all drove round in 1.2 litre Corsas there'd be no problem at all as we'd only need to top it up at Christmas time, and only then if you'd been driving to Poland and back every day for a year.
So I'm not convinced cars are the crux of the problem. Apparently, I've learned just this morning, Al Gore is.
The American eco-pillock that prophecised our doom in a brainwashing film he burdened us all with a few years ago has now supported a clown that wanted to fly out to space to conduct a show highlighting the threat of a global water shortage.
How much fuel did that use, I wonder? Sending a clown in to space for no real reason has probably used up all the fossil fuel I would get through in a lifetime if I drove a Range Rover to work every day - let alone that ridiculous little hire car.
And, hang on a second... Now we're being told we're going to run out of water? Where's this come from? Surely it was Mr Gore that was warning us not so long ago that global warming would make sea levels rise and drown us all. Does this mean we're solving this problem somehow but starting a new one? They've lost me.
This news comes the day after we hear that the US "bombed" the Moon in search of water. Seems a strange concept, but I trust the boffins knew what they were doing.
This, I gather was done by sending un-manned space ships crashing in to the Moon's surface.
Why un-manned I wonder? There's a perfectly good space ship up there at the moment serving no purpose whatsoever. The occupant is a complete clown, I gather.
Actually, Here's a better plan. Send an even bigger clown, Al Gore, hurtling in to the Moon's surface.
To add a little bit of weight, and to make an even bigger splash, I'd be more than happy for him to take my crappy little Corsa with him. Just as soon as my car's fixed, of course.
I have never professed to possessing a wide knowledge of what makes cars tick, and I know even less about what makes them go bang and woosh, but I do know that head gasket failure is expensive. Several hundred pounds expensive.
I won't bore you with a barrage of science I know nothing about but my trusty mechanic has effectively had to take my whole engine to pieces, send part of it off to a specialist to be "skimmed" (don't ask because I don't know either) and then put it all back together again.
The whole process has taken the best part of a month and going that long without a car leads you to think long and hard about the amount we rely on personal transport.
Because Lizzy's car is in York five days a week, I've had to hire a car. Which is expensive and unpleasant. Forget the old saying about there being no faster car than a hire car - a 1.2 litre Vauxhall Corsa is so dull it makes me want shut one hand in the door before I set off - just to liven-up the journey.
Compared to my old gas-guzzler though the little German grotbox is surprisingly economical. By the time I have to re-fuel it I'm worried I'll be standing at the forecourt, staring helplessly at the pump, having completely forgotten what to do.
But this got me thinking about all the parping and tooting people are indulging in about our un-sustainable use of fossil fuels at the moment.
If we all drove round in 1.2 litre Corsas there'd be no problem at all as we'd only need to top it up at Christmas time, and only then if you'd been driving to Poland and back every day for a year.
So I'm not convinced cars are the crux of the problem. Apparently, I've learned just this morning, Al Gore is.
The American eco-pillock that prophecised our doom in a brainwashing film he burdened us all with a few years ago has now supported a clown that wanted to fly out to space to conduct a show highlighting the threat of a global water shortage.
How much fuel did that use, I wonder? Sending a clown in to space for no real reason has probably used up all the fossil fuel I would get through in a lifetime if I drove a Range Rover to work every day - let alone that ridiculous little hire car.
And, hang on a second... Now we're being told we're going to run out of water? Where's this come from? Surely it was Mr Gore that was warning us not so long ago that global warming would make sea levels rise and drown us all. Does this mean we're solving this problem somehow but starting a new one? They've lost me.
This news comes the day after we hear that the US "bombed" the Moon in search of water. Seems a strange concept, but I trust the boffins knew what they were doing.
This, I gather was done by sending un-manned space ships crashing in to the Moon's surface.
Why un-manned I wonder? There's a perfectly good space ship up there at the moment serving no purpose whatsoever. The occupant is a complete clown, I gather.
Actually, Here's a better plan. Send an even bigger clown, Al Gore, hurtling in to the Moon's surface.
To add a little bit of weight, and to make an even bigger splash, I'd be more than happy for him to take my crappy little Corsa with him. Just as soon as my car's fixed, of course.
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